An irreverent journey through bereavement & grief after my best friend (/boyfriend/it's complicated)'s suicide.
17.1
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I keep thinking of things I want to say to you, or questions I want to ask your answers for. Most of all, I want to know what you were thinking, and did you know how loved you are?
I'm sliding deeper into myself without you here. I don't know if anyone else has even noticed, let alone cares. I want to follow you. PS, H says Summer's crazy side swimming is seizures. I feel so guilty that we missed it.
My first birthday without you, and of course there has been sadness, and memories of you, and spaces where you were missing. Still, there have also been moments of beauty, and kindness, and love. Your youngest wished me a happy birthday - from herself and you. That was really touching. K bought me a birthday cake, since you weren't here to do it. That, too, was deeply touching.
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