Snippets of Grief

It's January 1st; the first January first without you in it since 1972. The first without you in my life in some form for the past six or so years. What did we do last year? I can't even remember.

 Yesterday was busy, but not as bad as I feared. I missed you, of course I did, and there was sadness, but there were also moments of beauty and joy. I know you're hanging out at H's place with Summer, by the way. She and M hear you walking on the floorboards. Thank you for helping Summer settle in her new home. Today I'm remembering those little moments, like when you bought my Apple TV just before Christmas last year, and I kept urging you to wait until the Boxing Day sales. And the fun we had doing the sales together. Did you see how cleaned out everything was even at 9am?? It was really bizarre. I just. Fuck, man. I miss you, you big asshat.

 Your cake was delicious. I told Y about you a little bit. It was good to have a laugh at how innocent your ideas about Summer were, in the beginning. Remember how you were horrified at her sleeping in the crate instead of your bed? Goofus. Or remember how you were going to leave her home by herself while you went off to work, on her second day with you? Yeah. Your unit would've been absolutely *destroyed*, wouldn't it? Speaking of destroyed, K says she got into the bin today... PS, F is having some computer issues, and you're meant to be here to tell us how to fix it, you bastard.

 So many random pieces of memories are going through my mind tonight. You're supposed to be here, knuckle-brain.