Snippets of Grief

In two more days, it will have been 5 months since you left. Five months without you seems... unfathomable. You have missed so much, and life just keeps going on without you. Missy's had her first post-you vet visit. F is finally giving C the flick. M now has a worker under her that I deal with, a man. I'd rather deal with M, but he's okay. Depending what happens with my Sunday, I may have as many as 8 workers on my team, plus Dr M and Dr E. I'm having some medical tests done. Change is everywhere. You'd have hated it (change) as much as I do. But you would have walked through it with me. And damn you for leaving me to do it all alone.

 I don't know why I don't write to you anymore. Maybe I'm just too tired. Maybe it's because I just feel like.. you're too far away. Maybe I just feel more and more hopeless and alone every day. Or maybe it's all of those.

 In a couple of hours, it's going to be the 2nd of February -- 4 months since you left. I still find myself doing stupid things -- I'll be thinking how it's been 4 months since you died, and in the same breath, I'll reach for my phone to text you to come over. Summer has settled nicely into her new home, but you know that, because you went with her. Don't think I don't know it was you, banging around H's place. And then... you left. And now you're... you're where? Not here. Too far away.