Snippets of Grief

 My first birthday without you, and of course there has been sadness, and memories of you, and spaces where you were missing. Still, there have also been moments of beauty, and kindness, and love. Your youngest wished me a happy birthday - from herself and you. That was really touching. K bought me a birthday cake, since you weren't here to do it. That, too, was deeply touching.

 Your cake was delicious. I told Y about you a little bit. It was good to have a laugh at how innocent your ideas about Summer were, in the beginning. Remember how you were horrified at her sleeping in the crate instead of your bed? Goofus. Or remember how you were going to leave her home by herself while you went off to work, on her second day with you? Yeah. Your unit would've been absolutely *destroyed*, wouldn't it? Speaking of destroyed, K says she got into the bin today... PS, F is having some computer issues, and you're meant to be here to tell us how to fix it, you bastard.

 Since you're not here, that means I get to eat your piece of birthday cake as well as my own. I may buy you a birthday present that I give to myself, too. I'm not sure yet. I probably shouldn't. Your death is causing me to get fatter & go broke, I hope you realise.

 Notes from yesterday, because I was too tired to write to you. 1. You bastard! There are easier ways to get out of putting up the Christmas lights, you know. 2. Seriously, who's gonna buy me a birthday cake now? 3. You're supposed to be here to do all this stuff with, slimebiscuit.

 Reminders and links to you that have made me cry today: birthday cake. My support service. Your dog. A Minecraft advent calendar. The advent calendar I wanted last year. Your dog again. Tonight was meant to have been our night away with the dogs, fungus-bucket.